One of the most frustrating arguments to watch goes something like this:
“You never tell me you love me.”
“Of course I love you. Everybody knows I love you. I talk about you all the time.”
“But you never tell me that you love me.”
That middle line, the “Of course I love you. …”? That’ll be spoken by a male. It won’t matter if this is a gay or straight relationship because males, as a group, aren’t good at verbal communications.
And when those verbal communications are about feelings and emotions, ie, about making one’s self vulnerable?
What’s fascinating about this is that the male’s last sentence, “I talk about you all the time.”, is probably quite true. Men, as a group, will share information with other male or mixed gender peer groups gladly.
Note the use of “groups” in the above.
That’s the kicker; Men will talk up their partners in peer groups gladly, loudly, proudly and unequivocally. But one-on-one, in an intimate verbal moment? Not so much.
The disconnect here is that people like to hear that they’re special, that they’re loved, that someone special feels for them as they feel for that someone special.
Fortunately there are ways to reconnect. Does your significant other male lack verbal skills? Ask them to write you a love note. Nothing elaborate, just something for you to keep and hold to yourself. Most men are happy to do so (although sometimes trust can be an issue. Promise not to share it with anybody). Their prose may be a little rough, a little awkward, and remember, it’s a start.
Give them time. They’ll be bringing you flowers, taking you out to dinner, the movies, and generally courting you all over again soon enough.